Mr Cheeky: Say “Cheese!” Perfect!
Mr Suzuki: Anoo … Do I know you?
Cheeky: Actually, we’ve just met. Can you hold on a sec? Didja get it yet, Muscle?
The Muscle: Yep. Processing application as we speak … awaiting confirmation from Trademarks …
Suzuki: Umm … sorry to bother you, but …
The Muscle: Confirmed! Who’re we selling this one to?
Cheeky: Dog Food Conglomerate No. 1. They’re out of Guangzhou.
The Muscle: Okay, found it. You wanna get his John Hancock while I finalize the deal?
Suzuki: You see … it’s not … I don’t … complete strangers taking my photo isn’t …
Cheeky: My friend … Can I call you “friend?” You see, I prefer “friend” to “stranger.” It’s positive and, frankly, I took you for a positive kinda guy. You ARE a positive kinda guy, right? We’re not wasting our time, are we?
Suzuki: Umm … ahh … gee, I …
Cheeky: I didn’t think so. Now lissen up …
The Muscle: It’s a done deal. Money’s in the bank. Cases are … in stores … now!
Cheeky: Gotcha. Now, Mr …?
Suzuki: Suzuki.
Cheeky: Suzuki-san, let me give it to you straight. We’re in the trademark business. We canvass the globe looking for the perfect puss. We travel light but pack the most up-to-date technology. We snap, trap, snip, ship, deal, dole, and decamp.
Suzuki: Trademark?
Cheeky: Yes. We’ve just trademarked your face and licensed it to a Chinese dog food manufacturer. It’s worth 20 grand for the next 10 minutes. For your role in this transaction, you stand to receive 50 bucks. If you’d just sign the screen …
Suzuki: No! Never! You can’t just …!
Cheeky: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, pal. We’ve got PhysioProfile-SignPro. Show him his probable signature, Muscle.
The Muscle: We submitted your photo and got this …
Suzuki: Crikey!
Cheeky: What’ll it be: 50 bucks or a kick in the pants?
Suzuki: Well, I …
The Muscle: Look at this — according to Yahoo!, Make-Inu Chow Down’s risen to No. 2 in San Francisco …
Cheeky: Yeah, but the label’s been adulterated!
The Muscle: The Fung brothers are really gettin’ quick!
Cheeky: We’re gone. Here’s a sawbuck. Now get lost.
Suzuki: Wha?
Lawyer: You Suzuki? The Fungs are preemptively suing you for trademark infringement. However, you can avoid litigation by consenting to wear this bag on your head …
